It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
