The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
