She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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