i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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