Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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