I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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