the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
