Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
