You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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