Where is the hickey?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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