I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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