mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
