Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just google imaged poop.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
