Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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