Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
