No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
