Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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