im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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