i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
