I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
