loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
