Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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