He uses pillows to masturbate.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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