Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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