someone owes me an orgasm
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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