We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't deserve a penis
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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