I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
