I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize