Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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