I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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