Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
