Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
