It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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