I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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