You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
