Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
