I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
