I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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