VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
