Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
