just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
