I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
