is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
