I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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