She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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