OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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