I think my vagina is haunted
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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