I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
