I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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