how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
