4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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