I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
