Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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