sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I enjoy the company of your penis
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
