I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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