Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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