I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
