Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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