i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
