I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
