My boss' voice literally gives me gas
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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