I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize