Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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