hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
