i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
