You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
