It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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