You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
