pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
