So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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