I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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