rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
