Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
