it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
