Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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