when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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