Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
