i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
sex in a hospital.. check
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
