My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
is that a dick in a sweater?
how drunk are you?
Several
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
