it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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