just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
