just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
