Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
