Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
